DNF - First time for everything.......

Well it has taken a long time for me to feel able to sit down and blog about my first ever DNF (Did Not Finish) at the Capricorn Half Ironman last weekend. For those of you that know me those 3 letters do not sit well with me - and in 5 years of racing triathlon I have never ever posted a DNF result - first time for everything I guess.

Probably the most disturbing element of those three letters for me was the fact that I have lined up for several races pretty broken at the start and always finished. Last year at Kona I got a stress fracture in my foot during race week but I still ran every one of those kilometres out on the marathon course with a foot three times the size of the other! This year at the Tauranga Half Ironman in January I was still recovering my foot from the stress fracture and had rooted my hip in the weeks before the race - yet I still lined up and finished the run - depsite not running more than 15 minutes out on the road in 3 months. Perhaps therefore when I pulled the plug on my race whilst still out on the bike course I'm not sure who was more shocked - me or my support crew - after all I had put more than enough hours in during the build up and I was really hoping for a pretty spectacular result!

On reflection and with the results of a few blood tests it is no surprise that I didn't finish - perhaps it is a small miracle I made it to the start line - but it is fair to say posting a DNF knocked my confidence well and truly to ground zero levels!

Race week had been busy and I felt tired but put this down to the various flights and travelling I had done to get to the race city and venue. However I woke up on race morning not really feeling quite in the zone but figured by the time I got to transition the adrenaline would be flowing and I would be pumped up ready to rock! In transition I went through the usual motions of setting up my bike gear and getting my transition area set out in the order I like. I was still feeling quite flat so I went across to the side of transition to talk to Hannah who has missed only one of my races in 5 years! I quietly confided in her that I really didn't feel good, that I felt really tired and couldn't get the energy levels up - completely unphased she gave me some reassurance and told me to go kick some ass! With that I joined the parade of wetsuit clad athletes on the 2km walk down the beach to the race start.

The race start was waved so I had spent a fair amount of time waiting for my wave but finally we were called to line up. My swimming has been steadily improving so during my build up I had been looking forward to the swim to see what sort of a result I could get - the hooter started and the group surged foward down the beach into the water. I was a little unnerved that even on the run down to the water I seemed to get left behind but brushed it off as being a little rusty in a wetsuit! The current was meant to be behind us but today is was flowing across us and making it hard work to swim in - I could feel myself dropping off the pace and as another wetsuit zipped past me I tried to hang on to their feet but inevitably got dropped - I couldn't seemed to get it right and panic started to set in. Finally the last turning buoy appeared and I was thankful that the swim would soon be over. As I exited the water I was pretty horrified by my time and to make matters worse I felt completely trashed! I hit transiton and resisted the urge just to lay down next to my bike and go to sleep rather than get on it and ride it!

The cycle was a 5 lap course so I desperately tried to gain some lost ground on the first few laps. Usually I come out of the water with quite a bit of work to do on the bike and run so this race was no different. I mulled over the swim in my head trying to figure out what might have gone wrong but the reality was I needed to try and push it out of my head and get on with the task in hand. I guess the problem was that I didn't seem to be able to muster up a race pace and as the laps went by I began to slow down. At the start of the 4th lap I got a case of the vomits - this isn't too unusual for me - normally I just need to swap to racing on only gels when this happens - so I made the switch and hoped for an improvement - it never came. As I neared the end of the 4th lap the vomiting continued - my average speed had dropped by 7km/hr and I felt completely exhausted - I caught a glimpse of my support crew Hannah and Michelle - pulled up on the side of the road next to them and pulled the plug on my day. It probably took Hannah about 2 minutes to register that I was telling her my day was ending on the side of the road and not at the finish line.

Over the next few days I was truly overwhelmed by the support of my family and friends. I recieved countless phone calls, texts, messages and emails all full of warm fuzzies and inspiring words. However that didn't stop the mounting torture inside my head as I tried to figure out what went so horribly wrong - with Kona looming I felt I needed to figure it out and fast. My swim coach Ali Boggs was convinced I had some sort of virus or that I was harbouring something - but I didn't feel sick - just exhausted. I had a debrief with Tri coach Tony and we attempted to dissect my head, my feelings, my training load and strategy - I was encouraged to try and step back from the DNF and look at the bigger picture.

So when looking at the bigger picture I decided a trip to my GP might be worthwhile. I had considered a GP visit a couple of times over the last few months because I felt tired and was struggling at times with the sets that required explosive strength and speed. I had shyed away from going before because it felt a bit lame to go and say I feel really tired all the time - at the end of the day it is my choice to lead the lifestyle I do - I choose to train the hours I do and work 12 hour shifts - plus feeling tired and fatigued is part and parcel of training for an Ironman - I guess I had normalised the level of tiredness over the last few months. The three letters DNF had however given me the confidence to go and as I sat in my GP's office rambling and blubbing about the events of the weekend and the last couple of months he began to write a form for a barrage of blood tests - I did breathe a sigh of relief that at least he was taking me seriously, perhaps the tears helped, and that he wasn't going to send me away and tell me to train less. I have in the past suffered from a major vitamin B12 deficiency which results in anaemia so his main concern was that it has resurfaced.

Later that same evening I got a phone call from my GP and his first words were there is something wrong with you! I can't describe the feeling of complete relief as he rambled off the first lot of blood results that had come in. My ferratin (iron stores) were only 3 and they should be >40 and my haemoglobin was 90 and should be >120. I am quite profoundly anaemic and must have been now for some time - the next question is why and as yet my B12 level hasn't come back but given my history it seems this is probably the main culprit. I think this explains the vast amount of hours I have been sleeping both night and day, the feeling of complete exhaustion most days and the fact I have struggled with the speed work in my training - I haven't been able to get sufficient oxygen to my muscles for the fast stuff. The great news is that is is fixable - we are waiting for all the results to come back but most likely I will need a couple of super sized injections of vitamin B12 and a whacking dose of iron!

So perhaps in some ways the DNF was what I needed in order to look at the bigger picture and admit to myself that I haven't been feeling 100% for some time now. As disappointing as it was to line up for a race and not finish it has meant that I have identified a much a bigger problem that can be corrected before the race that really matters - Ironman World Championships! My GP is convinced that if I had continued to train at the level I am then I wouldn't have made the finish line at World Champs and realistically probably not the start line so I guess the moral of the story is that every cloud really does have a silver lining!